Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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