I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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