apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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