On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
