their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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