In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
