Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
