I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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