Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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