I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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