I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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