well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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