even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
