Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
