I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
