Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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