His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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