so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
