i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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