so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
