I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
