I looked at my own cervix.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize