I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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