You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
