I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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