I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize