I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
