Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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