I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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