isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
