Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize