you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
