whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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