I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
