can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
