after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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