called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
