32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
