Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
