using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
