Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
