his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
