its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
