Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
