I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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