i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
