Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
