Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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