We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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