All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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