bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
