I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
