All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
