he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
