Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
