FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
