I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
third nipple confirmed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
