dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
