There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
