I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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