You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
