i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Less talking, more tequila
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
