like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
