you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
