My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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