Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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